Too much is a compliment

Somewhere along the way, most of us were handed the same note. You’re a lot. You’re intense. Maybe don’t say it like that. It shows up in school reports, performance reviews, first dates and family dinners. The message is always the same: take up less.

Here’s the thing nobody tells you. “Too much” is almost always a measurement taken by someone who wanted you smaller. It isn’t a fact about you. It’s a fact about how much room they were willing to give.

Loud isn’t a personality flaw

Being loud means you noticed something and said it. It means you asked the question the whole room was thinking. It means you laughed with your whole body in a restaurant and didn’t check who was looking. It means you walked in wearing the red dress on a Tuesday because it was a good Tuesday.

None of that needs a permission slip.

What taking up space looks like

• Speaking first. Not always, not to steamroll, but because your thought is ready and waiting is a habit, not a rule.
• Not shrinking your answer. Drop “just”, “sorry” and “I might be wrong but”. Say the sentence.
• Dressing for the woman you are, not the woman who’d be easier to be around.
• Backing up the other loud women. When she speaks up in the meeting, you say “exactly”. That’s the whole feminism, honestly: making the room bigger for each other.

The review is in

So the next time someone tells you you’re too much, try hearing it the way we do. They didn’t miss you. They couldn’t. You were the most memorable thing in the room.

Too much? Good. Stay that way.